Angels in America

Harper: I don't understand this. If i didn't ever see you before, and i don't think i did, then I don't think you should be here in this hallucination because in my experience, the mind, which is where hallucinations come from, shouldn't be able to make anything up that wasn't there to start with, that didn't enter it from experience in the real world. Imagination can't create anything new can it? It only recycles bits and peices from the world and reassembles them into visions. So, when we think we've escaped the unbearable ordinariness and, well, untruthfulness of our lives it really only the same old ordinariness and falseness rearranged into the appearance of novelty and truth. Nothing unknown is knowable..


Belize: I hate America, Louis. I hate this country. Nothing but a bunch of big ideas and stories and people dying, and then people like you. The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word "free" to a note so high nobody could reach it. That was deliberate.

nothing, i guess

Nothing.
Like emptiness but without the space in which to be empty.
Like uncertainty but without the option of being certain.
Like hollow, or indifference.
There is nothing worse than nothing.
Nothing special, simply ordinary.
Imagine slicing open an X over your heart and saying, “here, please, pour your salt into my gaping wound, so that I may feel something. Anything.”
Like a forgotten pair of socks lost in the laundry abyss.
Like a ten year old teddy bear, once a childhood friend, now a place keeper for the corner.
Feel nothing, have nothing, want nothing.
To have a sentence worse than death.
Because death offers a relief, where as nothing offers… well…

In order to feel we must let ourselves.
And in order to let ourselves, we must realize that we should smile because we deserve it.

I deserve it, I realize.
I deserve to smile, to feel, to love again and again and again.
I need to lift myself up instead of squashing myself down.
I need to know that I can make a decision for me, not for you, and not for him, and not because I feel that I have to, but because I WANT it.
Its my turn.
And I refuse to be ordinary.
And I refuse to feel nothing.
Anymore.