Andrew

You always said it would happen. And yet I was still unprepared. It’s strange how when the opportunity to meet with someone so influential, your mind…. Blanks. And then you are stranded with a goofy grin and nothing upstairs. “How’s it going? I’m Andrew.”
And the only thing I could force out was, “…Kelsey.” He shook my trembling hand and I could feel the energy flow from his fingertips. The attempted speech afterwards was barely audible as my brain was telling my mouth to open. He started a conversation about the show and we agreed that it was amazing, adding that we would be at the movie premier the next night as well. His heart seemed heavier than I expected, like he was the happiest man alive yet was holding something back. We all talked about this or that and all the while I couldn’t contain the feeling that I was in the presence of the most genuinely impressive person. After a while of my back-flipping brain trying to capture this moment, we said our goodbyes. And as I asked for a hug, he leaned in and said, “come here, darlin’. Be well.” And that was it. Such simple words. I thanked him for spending time with us, and he thanked us for standing by him through his journey.
It’s sad that we must face defeat in order to appreciate what we have. Knowing this, he is trying to spread the idea that you don’t have to stare death in the face to appreciate life, we just need something to swim for.

self portrait (take two)

She puts on her makeup for no one.
She hides.
Her thick disguise masks her from the world.
Generic smile
Genuine deceit.

She is a rain puddle,
Shallow to the naked eye,
Until your jeans are soaked to the knee.

Brushes swirled across her cheeks,
Already rosy,
Held by a rigor-mortis grip.

Learning the hard way
Swiping shadows across her lids.
Thicker and thicker.
Darker more defined.

Killing herself more and more
with each stroke.
For every picture of every kiss
She stares with milky eyes
Into the glass virtual image.

Change of brush – change of pace.
Colors dance
Grays and browns and golds marry.
But her eyes bleed black.

She looks up, taking in a long breath
Of recycled air.
All her makeup on the counter
Along with her tears.
Her dreams; her lashes
She plucked off one by one
Her shadows on a paper towel.

She dipped the brush into the water.
“Maybe tomorrow”
She said,
“We’ll paint a prettier picture.”

erase me

i was only a sketch anyways.
erase it.
the rubber shavings you can just blow away
there'll be nothing left to look at,
nothing there to remember.
maybe a faint smudge of what once was.
keep erasing,
erase the songs, the music, the feeling that you had
when you drew me.
erase the cool breeze, the rustling branches, the soft crunch you heard
when you tore me.
erase the laughs, and the yelling, and the tears that you shed
when you tossed me away.
erase it.

pretend i never happened,
erase hard,
but don't rip the paper...
im sure you can draw a better picture.