one last time

the sun is falling. dropping deeply behind the swing set. the swings sway slightly as the cool darkness acts as a mother, gently pushing each chained seat. a chill sweeps through the air and bites my nose. i am trying to say goodbye to this hidden world riddled with memory-filled grass and benches. i wave goodbye to the tree's branches and fallen leaves. the branches, naked, wave back to me. i kiss goodbye the bees, stuck in a cool puddle. they shake their wings in attempt to free themselves from their wet bindings. i bend down to the cool, damp ground and write one last "I love you" in the sand, knowing that the oncoming storm will wash away the emotions from this place before you get a chance to know it was there. It's getting colder, sun dropped fully beyond the hillside across the road. i cup my hands around my bare arms, erupted with goosebumps and try to soothe them away, skin to skin. i take one step, then another, and with each step further from my past my knees knock and legs tremble to match the tears that are stinging my lips. but i don't stop walking. it took me some time to leave this behind me, but i know if i were to look back i know i will not find you there. not anymore.

the process

words. just words.
flowing from the bottom of my brain to the tips of my fingers. the blue must bleed onto the paper. c'mon words, i just need a few to break the dam. begin the flow.
my eyes slam shut to block out all light and distracting elements that seem to blockading my needs, my words.
please.
come back to me.
i know youre still lingering right on the tip of my pen waiting for touchdown, landing the golden point to the colorless paper, willing something... anything to be released.
my hand curls deeply hugging the shaft of the pen and i notice that i hold it differently than others. i move my second finger to attempt normality.
shit.
distraction.
who cares about my finger placement as long as something is being written. but if the paper is still blank... nothing is being said, nothing matters.
i open my mouth to bring more and more oxygen to my brain, maybe that will trigger a reaction, a chemical blast between synapses which will allow a bulb to ignite above my head... wait for it... nothing. maybe i dont need to say anything after all.