self portrait (take two)

She puts on her makeup for no one.
She hides.
Her thick disguise masks her from the world.
Generic smile
Genuine deceit.

She is a rain puddle,
Shallow to the naked eye,
Until your jeans are soaked to the knee.

Brushes swirled across her cheeks,
Already rosy,
Held by a rigor-mortis grip.

Learning the hard way
Swiping shadows across her lids.
Thicker and thicker.
Darker more defined.

Killing herself more and more
with each stroke.
For every picture of every kiss
She stares with milky eyes
Into the glass virtual image.

Change of brush – change of pace.
Colors dance
Grays and browns and golds marry.
But her eyes bleed black.

She looks up, taking in a long breath
Of recycled air.
All her makeup on the counter
Along with her tears.
Her dreams; her lashes
She plucked off one by one
Her shadows on a paper towel.

She dipped the brush into the water.
“Maybe tomorrow”
She said,
“We’ll paint a prettier picture.”

erase me

i was only a sketch anyways.
erase it.
the rubber shavings you can just blow away
there'll be nothing left to look at,
nothing there to remember.
maybe a faint smudge of what once was.
keep erasing,
erase the songs, the music, the feeling that you had
when you drew me.
erase the cool breeze, the rustling branches, the soft crunch you heard
when you tore me.
erase the laughs, and the yelling, and the tears that you shed
when you tossed me away.
erase it.

pretend i never happened,
erase hard,
but don't rip the paper...
im sure you can draw a better picture.

it's late

It’s late.
And I find myself here.
Trying to get things out of my head and on paper. I can't get this ticking to go away.
It’s like a bomb is getting ready to explode in my brain and everything I have ever worked towards will be painted on the walls.
Think about flowers for too long, you find yourself plucking imaginary petals in your brain, wondering "he loves me" or "he loves me not"
creating dreams then crushing them

I was driving home tonight, and I saw lightning within the clouds,
It never broke through.
I didn't feel the rain or hear any thunder,
But the flashing lights made it seem like the world was ending,
Like there was nothing else to live for besides the flashes.
And they didn't stop.
But the world didn't end.

There was one shining star in the sky tonight.
It stood out in the sky
millions of stars
but only one.

James Dean

Think James Dean.
The very definition of “rebel without a cause”
With waves like the ocean running through his hair
And the sky in his eyes.
Eager to be everything,
But stopped short.
Think James Dean,
When you remember the leather jacket that stole America’s heart.
Hung on his frame as if it were an extention of himself
The black and white Chucks on his feet,
They were supposed to be dirty.
But not caked in mud, just enough wear and tear to consider them his.
Think James Dean
When you think of his smile.
And a cigarette between his pearly whites
While he leaned on a pock-marked storefront wall.
I think James Dean,
With a playlist of memories and a sunny day in the park.
Eager to be everything,
But always stopped short.

walking by

Your grand dad left home for the circius
He was young just like me, with hope to explore
He married a girl in Virginia
She could swing the trapeze
And they could sleep on the floor.

Your mother was born in december
On the one sunny day that winter gave up.
She had warm summer eyes, that flickered like fireflies
When she stared at the world.

Why do you leave these stories unfinished
My cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes?
Why do you look when you've already found it
And what did you find that could leave you walking by?

She was raised in a New England village
Then she moved to LA with her firefly stare
She loved sunset strip when it sparkled
You grew up and you sparkled, but why don't you care?

And why do you leave these stories unfinished
My cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes?
Why do you look when you've already found me,
And what did you find that could leave you walking by?

These nights I get high just from breathing
When I lie here with you I'm sure that I'm real
Like those fireworks over the freeway
I could stay here all day but that's not how you feel.

So why do you leave these questions unanswered
The circus awaits and you're already gone
The cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?
what did I do that you can't seem to want me?
And why do we lie here and whisper goodbye's?
And where can I go where your pictures won't haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?

Not Me

faces fit together like a puzzle.
i always liked his hair down.
but not me.
her.
train ride to nowhere.
falling asleep.
my soft pillow shoulder.
reflection.
but not me.
her.
Bathing suits and swimming pools.
bath towel.
a boy.
a girl.
but not me.
her.

wake up

i'm going to ride this plane
out of your life again
i wish that i could stay
but you argue
but more than this i wish
you could have seen my face
in backseat staring out
of the window.

i'd do anything for you
kill anyone for you

so leave yourself intact
cuz i will be coming back
in a phrase to cut these lips
I love you

The morning will come
in the press of every kiss
with your head upon my chest
where i will annoy you
with every waking breath
until you decide to wake up

I've earned through hope and faith
the curves around your face
that i'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us
then this i pray to you, wherever.

I'll do anything for you
this story is for you
cuz i'll do anything you want me to for you
kill anyone for you

so leave yourself intact
cuz i won't be coming back
in a phrase to cut these lips
i loved you.

The morning will come
in the press of every kiss
with your head upon my chest.
where i will annoy you
with every waking breath
until you decide to wake up.